


The voices

by hazelnuthanna



Series: The sad spiral [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Depression, M/M, Phan - Freeform, The Voices, dan is sorry, phil is mad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 16:29:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5170904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazelnuthanna/pseuds/hazelnuthanna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and Phil had quite a row....<br/>An now, the voices inside Dan are becoming louder</p>
            </blockquote>





	The voices

He wouldn´t talk ever since it happened, he wouldn´t even look at him.  
It had been an accident, and ever since then, he had been appologizing, like, all the time.  
 _You´re disgusting._  
His brain won´shut up, always telling who he is and what he did and why he just should go away and die.  
But, it´s not like it was his fault....well, actually, it very much was-

And Phil won´t ever let him forget that, he swore about that the very second after the incidet happened.  
He had been begging, banging on Phil´s door, crying for him to forgive him-   
But he knew that it would never happen, Phil would always hate him.

Y _ou´re so, so disgusting_   
By now, he didn´t even knew why he did it in the first place.  
Because he knew about Phil, and he knew what he felt and who he chose, he knew the reason behind all that...  
And still, he had done it, ruined a long friendship just for that five seconds of happiness before Phil ended it.

It had been over two weeks ago, and still, Phil hadn´t talked to him, hadn´t looked at him, hadn´t even bothered to be in the same room as him.   
He had tried begging, he ha tried getting angry, he had tried appologizing- nothing had worked.  
_He hates you._  
 _You should just die already._  
 _Phil will never forgive you._  
 _Just die already, will you?_  
He couldn´t breathe, and it hurt, so, so much.  
Again, he slides down on Phils door, leaning his head against it, tears running down his face. Again, again, again.   
" Open the door. I beg you."   
_You´re pathetic_  
" I´m sorry Phil, please open the door"  
_You´re useless_  
" I know I shouldn´t have done that.....please forgive me..."   
_Why would he ever?_  
He has a healthy relationship with PJ and you nearly ruined it.

There is a movement inside the room, and then, he falls backwards, landing on Phil´s carpet, staring up into the other boy´s stunning blue eyes.  
They never have been so cold, so ice like before, they never even have looked like that ever before.....and he was freezing.   
_Phil, Phil, Phil-_   
All he could think in this very second is this name, the name of his best friend, and he thinks it over and over.   
_phil, Phil, PHIL_   
" Phil"  
His voice is croaky, and he stares at those eyes, his own filling with tears slowly.   
" What do you want, Dan?" Phil asks, and his voice, oh, how did he miss this voice.  
_You´re disgusting._  
 _Ever after all you did, you still can´t keep your eyes of him._  
 _You disgust me, Daniel._   
And he can´t think about anything other than Phil, his mind drifting around those blue eyes, this face....   
" I´m sorry" He mouths, his voice coming out like a hush, his eyes dwelling up with tears.  
_Well, sorry doesn´t sweeten my tea_   
" For what?" Phil asks, sits down, his face still over his.  
" For everything. I shoudn´t have....and I understand why you are angry.....but, I miss you..."  
_Pathetic._  
His whole body is shaking by now, and his troath hurts from not crying.   
All he can think of is saying those words over and over again, which he does.   
_i´m sorry, I´m sorry, I´m Sorry, I`M SORRY_  
And he says them, too.  
Until Phil can´t take it any longer  
" It´s okay- stop, listen to me. It´s okay, Dan"   
But he knows it isn´t-  
_I´m sorry I´m sorry, Phil._  
His head is aching again, and he sits up, staring at Phil, still.   
Why is he like that, why can´t he just finally admit it to Phil, to everyone, to himself?   
_You´re a loser._  
 _That´s why._  
 _You´re nothing but a pathetic loser!_   
The voices inside his head get louder with every breath he takes, they´re overwhelming him.  
" I hear them, too" Phil says, all of sudden. "The voices"  
_Can´t you even hide something?_  
 _Gods, look at you, you stupid freak!_  
 _You´re a loser._  
He doesn´t even notice that he is crying.

But Phil does.   
And that helps a bit.

_Loser._  
 _Pathetic._  
 _Just die already._  
 _Why are you still alive?_  
 _Nobody loves you-_  
 _Name one person who can even cope with your sorry little butt_  
 _Nobody likes you_  
 _You have no friends_  
.   
.   
.   
.  
Phil?


End file.
